The Pope Doesn't Speak for Me.

I am not Catholic, therefore I can blaspheme the earthly incarnation of St. Peter if I want to, since I believe he is just a man after all. See what Sinead did for us all? Here is a basic difference as described by Monty Python.

Mr Blackitt: That's what being a Protestant's all about. That's why it's the church for me. That's why it's the church for anyone who respects the individual and the individual's right to decide for him or herself. When Martin Luther nailed his protest up to the church door in 1517, he may not have realised the full significance of what he was doing. But four hundred years later, thanks to him, my dear, I can wear whatever I want on my John Thomas. And Protestantism doesn't stop at the simple condom. Oh no! I can wear French Tickler if I want.

Mrs Blackitt: You what?

Mr Blackitt: French Ticklers... Black Mambos... Crocodile Ribs...Sheaths that are designed not only to protect but also to enhance the stimulation of sexual congress...

Mrs Blackitt: Have you got one?

Mr Blackitt: Have I got one? Well no... But I can go down the road any time I want and walk into Harry's and hold my head up high, and say in a loud steady voice: 'Harry I want you to sell me a *condom*. In fact today I think I'll have a French Tickler, for I am a Protestant...'

Mrs Blackitt: Well why don't you?

Ok since you all know how I feel about Catholicism I will move on to a the reason I am ranting about it today. See, in Europe (most notably Ireland) St. Patrick's day is a religious feast day, just like dozens of days associated with Easter and Christmas etc. Many of the days exist because, in antiquity, the only way to get the Godless heathens to convert was to super impose the pagan holiday they had always celebrated with goats blood and sex, onto a Christian historical event. Thus Christmas was celebrated on the solstice, when most pagans were sacrificing a virgin and erecting large rocks in alignment with the stars. So to get everyone to cooperate with the church, some pope said, "On this day Jesus was born" and a tradition was born. The same goes for Easter, and and many other feast days on the Catholic calendar.

Now I am not Knocking Catholics, hell, if I had to do it all over again I would be a Catholic instead of a Baptist. I mean the Catholics can at least drink and gamble with little thought of going to hell. As a Baptist I am certainly going to hell, just by virtue of writing this blog , let alone the fact that I often drink old wine and spirit's and am having carnal knowledge of my mate out of matrimony.

The reason I am pissing on the pope today is the fact that because there is an early Easter this year, Monday the 17th (St. Patrick's Day) has been officially moved to Saturday the 15th. Well this sort of screws with my Protestant plans for the day. See, a back sliding Baptist like myself has carefully planned a night of drunken abandon on the 17th. Up to and including subterfuge with my employer to get a work night to myself.

I think the non-Catholic world should totally ignore the Papal proclamation and rage like the apocalypse is already upon us in spite of the holy see's ideas. The fact that the feast day was officially moved suggests that the Vatican does not trust the parishioners to behave on a holy day. Yes,I understand it is Lenten, but my God man, no one gives up Guinness.

My John Thomas and I are going to rage and get in tune with our Irish heritage on Monday, the REAL St. Patrick's day, and we are going to have a good time doing it. I love not being obligated to listen to the pope. Steak next Friday anyone?