Perspective

I am sitting by the window this morning, staring at the morning gloom, low clouds threatening rain. My mind is in rewind, replaying last night, last week, last month. A cup of coffee steams in my hand as I reflect, traffic bustles by below my second story window oblivious to my presence. Alone in my room, quiet and still, I have a heart full of feelings this morning some I am trying to identify, some I have an intimacy with. I am in love, stricken, blown away, my heart is bound to a woman I didn’t think I would ever meet. She consumes my thoughts and my mind has trouble focusing on the more mundane. Work? I ask mutely. I will try, but the early morning weather and a wondering mind have colluded to make me wistful. I feel very close to her today, we left each others embrace only a few hours ago, still one feeling is longing, I miss her already. I think I could spend every moment with her and be happy, not cramped, not chained, not clinging, but joyous in her presence, content in the warm glow of her love.

My current state of singularity is only a temporary condition, I will see her again very soon and I find myself counting the moments, while the echo’s of the last kiss still reverberate on my lips and her scent is still on my clothes and she is very much on my mind, almost here, but not quite.

Our love is new, a bright shiny thing that sparks and crests and swallows me up everyday. It is growing too, and there is nothing I wish to do more than nurture it, help it become strong with deep roots and mighty boughs. When she tells me she loves me I believe her, I get a small chill down my spine, like hearing those words after all that has gone before is like water in a desert, a pardon for a condemned man, a light in the darkness. I find myself hoping, even praying that this never ends, that the love we feel for each other continues, like in days of old, when people actually paired for life, when to love someone meant you loved them forever.

The clouds seem to have lifted some outside my window, a brightening of the sky, perhaps the day will break high and fine after all. I realize that she hopes for the same things I do, that in time we are still in love, a couple, committed, happy. I begin to believe that it will happen, and even though my convictions have misled me in the past, this is different. This time fate has intervened, this time the odds are in our favor. That is the ideal I cherish, and I do not have second thoughts about my path. I love her plain and simple.

Being alone is over rated, I can do it successfully and have for a long time, but since she has been in my life, so short a time, I now know what I have been missing. I have missed this most powerful of feelings, I have missed tenderness, I have missed caring, and I have missed beauty. She is beautiful, the prettiest woman I have ever known, and that goes far beyond her lovely exterior, it extends down to her kind and generous heart, her endearing soul. Where has she been all my life? She is wise too, and makes good points often, like what if we had met each other before now? What if we had met 15 years ago when we were younger and starting our adult lives, what heartache would we have avoided? What pain might not have entered our lives? We concluded that now was the exact right moment and I agree with that. Today is the perfect time to fall in love and stay there, today is the best of times, the greatest of times, today is when I want to be alive and healthy and loving her with all my heart.

Tomorrow is only a few short hours away, and the next kiss will contain all my hope, desire and love, it will encompass everything I feel, that is what makes every kiss special. I know I sound hopeless, and maybe foolish, but I do not care. What I know is she is every one I have ever looked for, she may well be the elusive soul mate that everyone talks about but I have never met. I am very much looking forward to finding out.

Slf 08-06