A night of Knights near Columbus

It is time for a new post about bars. Since the last one I have been to a few, but nothing really blog-worthy came up. Sometimes the experience is only more of the same in a bar. Occasionally, there just isn't anything interesting going on. This past Friday night, Daisy and I went bowling with a group of co-workers from her office. They are a good bunch of folks and fun to have drinks with. I bowled poorly, in fact I bowled about as shitty as is possible, but what fun in any case. The bowling alley had been remodeled in recent years and looked modern and clean. This is a shame, because bowling alleys were the among the last bastions of mid century cheesiness. Bowling alleys that had survived from the 50's and 60's retained a soiled schmaltz that fairly screamed years gone by. A bowling alley should smell like old beer, cigarettes, and fried mushrooms. The lounge should have a theme of some sort, like a Tiki bar or have a row of stools along a bar with a formica top, so the effect is a bit like a diner only a lot darker. This particular bowling establishment is actually called the "Tiki Lanes" and I can only imagine what it once looked like. Now however, it is completely re-done and retains little of the classic decor.

The lounge area was clean and modern with ambient lighting and decorative art on the walls. It looked like the cafeteria in a large corporation. I expected to see men in suits and ties, chatting intensely about some deal while wolfing down what nourishment could be obtained by the fare offered. The bartenders were two women, who were pleasant and while a bit slow, efficient enough, but when it came to personality, these two may as well been robots. They didn't laugh or flirt and even though I was tipping well for the first few rounds, they refused to hook me up.

The formula is to go into a new bar, politely chat up the barmaid / bartender maybe introduce yourself, and leave a nice tip. Nothing too extravagant, but make sure to point out they can have a tip if the service is good. These girls kept going to the till to get my change, as if it were some sacred duty to make sure I got all of my change. After the second round, crack a joke or two and smile big, maybe ask the bartender a question about work, like, is this place usually busy on weekends? Then put yourself on their side by commenting on how their job is important, and how you couldnt do it on a busy night. If all goes well you can order your third drink and say "Sell me a rum and coke, mostly rum." or my favorite, "Ill have a seven and seven, mostly seven and you know which one". If you did your job, you are now getting hooked up on the drink. In some cases I have had the bartender trying to kill me with the liquor to mixer ratio.
These girls were measuring the liquor and when I used my "mostly rum" line, I was asked if I wanted a double. No, no thanks, I am trying to get you to hook me up damnit!

The drinks were cheap enough in any case and I started to feel good. After two games it was time to bail and move on. Several of the participants wanted to continue and go to a club to drink some more. I was all for this but deferred to Daisy as she was driving and I was ultimately there to be with her, not carousing in a bar all night. I wouldn't have been as much fun without her anyway. But she was game and when it came time to decide where to go, one suggestion was to drive to the Knights of Columbus lodge. One of our friends had a father that was working the bar at the local K of C that night. She assured us he would "hook us up" and the liquor was cheap in any case.

I learned that the K of C is a fraternal organization for Catholic men. While women were there, they were part of the "ladies auxiliary" (I wonder if they have a band?) but apparently not full on members. This drives Daisy nuts and rightly so, but I get the male fraternal organization thing, it is a hold over from a different time. The K of C was an older building but well maintained and had an aire of recent use. We were shepherded into the bar area, but on the way I could see hallways and passages to other parts of the building, maybe to secret rooms where mysterious rites were performed, perhaps high religious and holy mysticism, maybe artifacts, like famous swords and scepters. But I digress, I did see an open door to a large reception hall with a stage in the front. Acceptable for large Catholic wedding receptions.

I really liked the place, it looked just like any other small bar, neon signs and a big screen TV. There were notices on the walls about activities and fund raisers, all good community minded stuff. There were two trophy cases and inside were mementos of gratitude for some odd community or church achievement. There was also gambling. Yes, gambling. One of our party made no secret about the gambling part and she couldnt wait to participate. Sitting on the back bar were two large fishbowl shaped containers filled with odd little booklets, long and skinny but like a tiny matchbooks with pages. They were "Tear offs" or, more aptly named "Rip Offs". For a buck, you get one of these weird little books to rip off at the perforation to reveal if you are a winner. To be a winner you need a "dog bone" which was just that, an image of a dog bone. It was worth $25.00. One of our party friends won 175.00 just like that and it was on, he kept buying drinks and "rip offs" and winning and I only paid for one drink. That one drink was a mere $1.60, a generous tumbler full of Vodka and mixer, a good drink. For a buck sixty, I could have stayed there all night.

I have several impressions of the Knights of Columbus Lodge. The folks were great, friendly and fun, lots of laughing and smiling. The other patrons were mixed ages but older than us. One couple looked to be well advanced in years. I hope I can still rage when I am 80. It is the sense of community that was evident while I was in there. I was welcome, but an outsider, I wasn't Catholic and I wasn't a Knight. I found myself yearning for some of that community, and the cheap liquor of course. Our bartender was amiable and fun, he was obviously amused at this group of heathens in his bar, and expressed it with his generous drink making. No person, not connected with the K of C was going to come through that door. We were with the daughter of the bartender, and we had a key card, the modern equivalent of a secret password. For regulars, that means everyone is a friend or an acquaintance that might be swilling beer next to you.

I will never be a Knight of Columbus (named for Christopher Columbus by the way, not Columbus, Ohio.). I am not Catholic, and never will be, not that I have anything against Catholics, it is just hard to re-think what you grew up with when it comes to religion. I am a Baptist. We do not have clubs where we can fellowship with other Christians while simultaneously gambling and drinking to our hearts content. Baptists would condemn this behavior as sinful, worldly and enough to keep you out of heaven. This place had a photo of the Parish priest and the top Knight, some Bishop hanging in the entry way! Religion and vice, way to go! God probably doesn't care that much if we have a drink or two. That wasn't grape juice at the famed "water into wine" incident in the New Testament, it was wine and I bet it was good wine too. Nothing short of a divine beer run.

Maybe I can become a Moose or an Elk, perhaps and Eagle. All of which have famously cheap drinks in secret bar rooms with key holes for that all important password. Perhaps I could be an Odd Fellow, and go to that building that has the I.O.O.F emblazoned across the eaves.

I just can't help but admire the K of C and the good solid folks that do good things for the community in the name of Christ, but also allow the worldly part of our human experience to exist, if not outright encouraged, in all of us.